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I Took The CPB Copywriter Test.

December 31st, 2012

eammon

CPB Copywriting Test

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I stumbled upon this copywriting test in the LinkedIn Group, “Advertising & Marketing Writers of St. Louis.” Created by Bill Wright, Creative Director at Crispin Porter Bogusky, it’s how they size-up potential copywriters. Here’s my try:

Give a short, persuasive argument on letting Pluto remain a planet. 
The group of scientists who reclassified Pluto as “big space junk” are splitting hairs. Pluto being labeled a planet or not won’t seriously impact anybody’s life here on Earth. If only because the idea of Pluto being a planet opens our eyes to the fact that there is so much we don’t know about our universe, yet alone our own solar system, Pluto should keep its planetary status. Pluto, as a planet, is a constant reminder that everything we know about the universe may be completely wrong.

Pen a haiku about prairie dogs. 
Burrowed in holes they dug
To say hi, their teeth touch, rub
Wiki teaches of Prairie Dogs

Describe toast to a Martian in 50 words or less. 
Toast is bread that’s heated for a few minutes via hot wires, making it crispy. It’s a simple way to turn a good sandwich into a great sandwich. If you have spread, like cream cheese or butter, toast can become an entire meal, and accompany many breakfast platters.

Describe the color red to a blind person.
Red symbolizes the feelings of anger, passion and danger. It’s an aggressive color that’s poor camouflage, as it stands out almost anywhere. Your blood is red, so when you hear the sounds of a gory movie, you can imagine the color red spurting on the walls and pooling on the ground. Red is used for stop signs on roads, emergency vehicle flashing lights and to draw attention at a dinner party. For example, a woman would wear a red dress to grab your eye or a man would wear a red tie to communicate power and stature.

“Employees must wash their hands before returning to work” is such a boring sign. It’s ubiquity has rendered it useless (a sobering thought). For all humanity, please rewrite it.
Unless you enjoy the taste of shit, please wash your hands.

You might be a redneck if:
…your “work-from-home” business is selling wooden teeth brushes on eBay.

Write a really awful pun. 
I confessed to my tennis instructor that I was in love with her. She said that meant nothing to her.

What’s your favorite oxymoron?
Killer Whale.

What’s your favorite retronym?
Original Coke.

Write 12 synonyms for the word “Go.” 
Sprint, Jolt, Blast, Green, Vroom, Zoom-Zoom, Whiz, Hustle, Proceed, Burst, Sonic Boom, Mach.

Now write 12 antonyms for the same word. 
Halt, Crash, Brickwall, Butkus, Molasses, Red, Stuck, Putter, Yield, Gridlock, Stonewall, Cock-Block.

Extra credit: Diagram the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution. 
Nope.

This test does take a little time, but give it a shot.

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